A Guaranteeed Miracle Cure for Nearly Anything That Ails You

Posted on | April 30, 2012 | 26 Comments

If there were a magic pill that could make you feel as happy as the strongest antidepressant on the market, would you take it?  Not only will it make you feel euphoric, it’ll boost your problem solving skills by 40%. This medicine improves concentration and attention span.  It stimulates the brain to the same “Zen” state that scientists have discovered in meditating monks.  Heck, it even helps you sleep better.

This product is also good for the environment.  It cuts greenhouse gases, makes our roads safer, reduces our dependency on oil, and cuts your auto expenses by at least a couple thousand bucks a year.

It adds new dimensions to your life.  You will become more in tune with the changing seasons.  Connect with natural wonders like rain, wind, heat, and cold like you haven’t since your childhood.  Your senses will come alive.  I promise you will pass down roads you’ve driven 1,000 times before and discover new scenery and nuances you never noticed.

Using this product will improve your social life, too.  By joining the ranks of others who take this medicine, you’ll meet energetic, outgoing people.  At social and business events, you’ll have much more to talk about than the weather or reality TV.  And speaking of talking, I have seen people under the influence of this drug articulate a complicated thought with such clarity it’s as if they’re reading a well rehearsed script.

If you’re a parent, it’s a medicine you can safely administer in large doses to your kids.  By doing so, they will enjoy the same benefits as you.  Take your medicine together and your kids might (key word, might) see you as less of an alien being with zero in common.  I’ve read of kids diagnosed with ADHD who’ve been completely cured of their affliction by replacing the doctor’s prescribed medicine with this one.

This product strengthens your body from head to toe.  The longer you’re on it, the stronger your legs and the firmer your butt.  And while some medications have adverse side effects on your joints, this medicine puts zero stress on your joints and actually strengthens the muscles that surround them.
There are two serious side effects, however: weight loss and fitness gains.
Sounds expensive, doesn’t it?  Fear not, it’s free.  Pump up the tires, hop on, and let your adventure begin.

 

P.S.:
Soon after writing this blog, my good friend Jeff Rauff was hit by a car while riding his bike.  He was life flighted to the hospital with severe injuries and spent several days in intensive care.  The bad news is Jeff was hit by a car.  The good news is he’s a 61 year old stud who’s been a competitive triathlete for at least 35 years.  He’s an incredibly positive guy who easily wins friends and influences people.  His fitness and his attitude have prepared him well for the battle he now faces.  Please keep Jeff in your prayers as he continues his miraculous recovery, and be alert for cyclists on the road.

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Comments

26 Responses to “A Guaranteeed Miracle Cure for Nearly Anything That Ails You”

  1. Heidi
    May 1st, 2012 @ 8:40 am

    I just love your blogs. So positive. Keep them coming!

  2. Kenny Bachman
    May 1st, 2012 @ 8:41 am

    Will pray for him. Thanks for sharing, Ben. I always enjoy your blog. KB

  3. Ryan Williams
    May 1st, 2012 @ 9:07 am

    great job Ben!

  4. John
    May 1st, 2012 @ 10:01 am

    Insightful and inspirational, as always Ben!

  5. Deepika Pralat
    May 1st, 2012 @ 10:46 am

    Enjoyed reading the blog, Ben! Will surely keep Jeff in our prayers.

  6. Gregory Luna
    May 1st, 2012 @ 10:58 am

    Ben, You forgot to mention that it can be a very expensive addiction! Fortunately, I stopped collecting bikes. Now I just need to ride the ones I have! Luna

  7. pat mchale
    May 1st, 2012 @ 1:16 pm

    always great to read your thoughts! typical Ben – thinking of someone else. will saY a prayer.

  8. Ben Lawrence
    May 1st, 2012 @ 3:48 pm

    Hi Pat, Jeff appreciates it! Thanks for thinking of him and for your nice comments.

  9. Ben Lawrence
    May 1st, 2012 @ 3:49 pm

    Oh so true, Greg. As my dad says, though, “It’s cheaper than heart surgery.”
    Keep that Aztec warrior bike of yours runnin’.

  10. Ben Lawrence
    May 1st, 2012 @ 3:50 pm

    Deepika, So nice to hear from you! Thanks for supporting Jeff with your positive thoughts.

  11. Ben Lawrence
    May 1st, 2012 @ 3:51 pm

    Glad you’re enjoying the blog, John. Will always try to post something that keeps you inspired :)

  12. Ben Lawrence
    May 1st, 2012 @ 3:52 pm

    Thanks, Ryan. Good luck at your race this weekend. You’ve worked hard; you’re ready.

  13. Ben Lawrence
    May 1st, 2012 @ 3:55 pm

    Glad you liked it, Ken. Does this mean every Bachman Homes customer now gets a free bicycle with a home purchase? That would totally convince me!

  14. Ben Lawrence
    May 1st, 2012 @ 3:55 pm

    You’re very kind, Heidi. Thanks! Will keep ‘em coming for sure :)

  15. Uncle John Gordon
    May 1st, 2012 @ 6:35 pm

    Hi Ben!
    Aunt Allison was awakened at 3:30 AM by the cell phone.
    chime teeing her she had received an email. Thinking it was another flight attendant wanting to swap trips with her, she opensail from nephew blogger Ben! She reads with interest the news about some new medicine for weight loss that Ben was promoting. It was one of those good news things to share with the crew at American who like to eat out and drink wine on Atlanta lay overs.
    The door to the shed was open and the
    oil can was out next to the bicycle pump . I think we have a new rider on the road in our community! Nice work Ben!!
    Uncle John

  16. Andrea
    May 2nd, 2012 @ 1:39 am

    Hi Ben,

    Thank you for circulating Jeff’s blog,and I wish your Jeff and his family the best outcome in his recovery.

    I just said a Mi Sheberach (traditional Jewish prayer for healing)for your friend. While certainly no-one needs to hear my tone deaf version, I’ll share this one from You Tube, as this prayer always fill me with hope: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0x437mZNwjI

    All the best,
    Andrea

  17. Ronnie Schmeilski
    May 2nd, 2012 @ 12:03 pm

    I couldn’t wait to get to the punch line….not surprised it turned out to be you’re love of cycling. I love reading your blogs.

    Prayers out to your friend. I’m certain his fitness level will aid his recovery.

  18. Ben Lawrence
    May 3rd, 2012 @ 3:54 pm

    Hi Ronnie! Glad the blog help you ’til the end. It took me a while to figure out how to write that piece without putting the word “bike” in there somewhere.
    Thanks for sending a few prayers Jeff’s way. I just spoke with him today for first time since the accident and he sounded terrific.

  19. Ben Lawrence
    May 3rd, 2012 @ 3:56 pm

    Thanks for sheberaching, Andrea. Is that a verb? I just made it one :)

  20. Ben Lawrence
    May 3rd, 2012 @ 3:57 pm

    Hey Uncle Johnny,
    I learned a lot of this fitness stuff from YOU, tiger! Sorry for waking Allison at 3:30..

  21. Jeff Rauff
    May 3rd, 2012 @ 5:55 pm

    Ben,
    Thanks for including me in your post Ben. I’m home now and hope to start my rehab in a few weeks. I’m also hopeful that I will be back running, biking, and swimming soon. Thanks to everyone for your kind messages!

  22. Dennis Sheehan
    May 6th, 2012 @ 9:10 pm

    Ben,

    Guess I need to ride more to be smarter. It’s gonna be a long ride….

    Jeff, nice to see you chime in and let us know you are doing better. We’ve been able to follow your progress from the caringbridge website Ben sent out. But good to hear from you in person.

  23. Jim Aden
    May 7th, 2012 @ 7:48 am

    Great blog Ben! Loved the comment about biking is cheaper than heart surgery!

    Jeff – Good luck to you! My bet is you’ll be back out there pretty darn soon!

  24. Ben Lawrence
    May 10th, 2012 @ 1:49 pm

    Alright! Words from the man himself! Jeff, You are an inspiration and we’re all cheering for your recovery.

  25. Ben Lawrence
    May 10th, 2012 @ 1:51 pm

    Now there’s a great idea, Dennis. A suggestion for your Penn State Finance classes: Any student who scores below 80% on your next exam has to join you the next day for a group bike ride. They pedal, you teach.

  26. Ben Lawrence
    May 10th, 2012 @ 1:53 pm

    Thanks, Jim. You are another example of the power and youth that comes from a sound mind AND sound body. Funny how one follows the other.

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